TheBroCode Rule #8: NEVER EVER let your bro get a girl’s name tattooed on his body, unless it’s his daughters or mothers name.

Welcome to this week’s edition Kings 👑…Let’s startup by breaking down the stages of a man’s life according to some philosophers and then we’ll get into masculinity, how the system is rigged against men, and how masculine ideologies are all fucked up in 2024, so let’s dive in.

TL;DR: Men need a reset. Let 2024 be the year.

Life Stage Breakdown:

Depending on who you ask, the stages of a man’s life or masculine journey are broken down into 3, 5, 6, or 7 stages. I found the longer stage breakdowns to be pretty fascinating. I’ll mention them here but I’ll let you dive deeper at your own will, given I can’t get into all of the breakdowns here in a short newsletter.

3 stages: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, and he is Santa Claus.

5 Stages: The Dreamer, Explorer, Builder, Mentor, and Giver.

6 Stages: The Beloved Son, The Cowboy Ranger, The Warrior, The Lover, The King, and The Sage.

7 Stages: the baby, the child, the lover, the soldier, the judge, the old person, and the second childhood.

Below I’m going to touch on a few key things through my research and discovery of masculinity, manhood, and stages of life. I’ll let you dive deeper into each of the above at your own will, just hit the links on the different stages. It’s great perspective to have, depending on how you want to breakdown your life stages.

The 5 and 7 stages stand out most to be and will be the guides I use for my life, personally.

The Chinese Philosopher Confucius broke down the stages of a man’s life as so:

The master said, at 15 I set my heart upon learning

At 30, I had planted my feet firm upon the ground

At 40, I no longer suffered from perplexities

At 50, I knew what were the biddings of heaven

At 60, I heard them with docile ears

At 70, I could follow the dictates of my own heart; for what I desired no longer overstepped the boundaries of right.

We are far too nearsighted in how we approach our life. It really doesn’t even start until the 30-40s when we have enough knowledge to actually make significant impacts in life.

Whether you look at Ptolemy’s life stages, Horace’s 4 seasons, Native American Tribes, or even Shakespeare’s 7 ages of a man’s life breakdown it’s clear:

Spend your teens, 20’s and half your 30’s learning, accumulating skills, knowledge, networks, and experience. Spend from 35-55 building your empire, shoot your shots, create, innovate, take risks, and live with the intention of happiness and purpose above all else. You’re the smartest in this era of life. Then the wise man in you creeps more on sharing knowledge, mentoring, bein helpful, leaving a legacy.

The life cycles require patience from us as men, which I myself lack for instant gratitude…but the pathway is clear. I didn’t make this shit up, I just researched the facts and as all the men before us, and the men after us, the path is laid out….the number of stages you want in your life is up to how you want to break it down and set your vision, but the stages in the end, are clear.

Analyzing the 5 Stages:

What I find the most fascinating about the 5 stage breakdown is that again, the core of your life for building your future and your wealth doesn’t really start until your mid 30’s. Here I am, contemplating life and wondering about purpose at 35, falling into holes of depression, and lack of life meaning, and the real gold of my life is just being.

The last 10 years of my life were full of risk taking, marriage/divorce, world travel, working at startups, starting failed companies, taking big chances, and learning a lot along the way, while meeting some amazing people around the world and building friendships.

As I approach the Builder phase of my life, I’m ready to play to my strengths, use my experience and knowledge I’ve gained to start this phase of building with a way better vision and purpose than I could’ve ever had in my 20’s.

It’s crazy how sometimes reframing things or shifting your mindset to see things from a different perspective can completely change how your brain operates.

Take a look at yourself, take a look at your stage, what reflections can you make? Remember it’s only the beginning….you need to examine your life to be able to make the most of it….so I challenge you do just that brother..

Be action oriented, Take accountability, Be in great shape, these are things we’re told as young men from online role models like the Andrew Tate’s of the world. Young men today are more fucked than ever because they lack positive role models. The #1 thing that research shows that can be proven through all the noise, is boys and young men fall off the tracks when they lose sight of or don’t have a positive role model in their life that they want to imitate, mimic, being mentored by, or pay attention too.

It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault, it’s not the fault of young men today. We need to have compassion and understanding for this massive problem that affects society today. WE need to STOP telling young men to take accountability when we’re growing up in a world where values are completely fucked up. We need to stop blaming young men for this problem of toxic masculinity as its rooted in our fathers, grandfathers, biology, and societal double standards that create this culture.

A man’s prefrontal cortex for example does not mature as fast as a woman’s. So, stats show more women getting into college, more men dropping out, more women graduating, all starting with this biological issue that sets men slightly back, but also a reason why we have more male entrepreneurs.

We also have these double standards in the school systems where the education is biased against men. Example, a boy and girl getting sent to the principals office for the same issue, let’s say cheating on test, the boy is more likely to get suspended and shamed vs a girl for the same bad behavior. A boy is 2x as likely on a behavior adjusted basis to be suspended for the exact same infraction as a girl, and a colored boy is 5x as likely to be suspended.

So put it into context, men are at a biological disadvantage, educational disadvantage, and have an economical disadvantage in 2024 leading to shaming and anger. Men at 30 today are not doing as great economically as men let’s say 20 or 30 years ago at this age (largely due to economic conditions which results in shame and rage). Men are still evaluated (no matter what people want to say) on your earning potential, your economic standing, and ability to be a provider…..so obviously young men in this era are completely different than men of the past because they have to deal with these stigmas that are traumatizing.

 Look at the housing market. men today are far likely to be able to afford to buy a home for their family will happen a lot later in life or won’t happen at all compared to men 20 years ago. This has an impact on how men perceive themselves.

We see lower marriage rates, lower birth rates, but skyrocketing male suicide rates. Young men are facing a terrible uphill battle that’s not their fault, and I think as society we need to have more understanding and empathy for the situation, especially as men from different generations or older men, the younger gen is not just “lazy”…there are mental challenges underlying their thoughts of what it is to be a man in today’s society.

Young men have a confused and fucked up view on what masculinity is today. If you look at the role models of today, it’s completely different than the type of men the media was praising and raising decades ago.

You have the far right Elon Musks, divorced dad, 11 kids, doesn’t live with anyone of ‘em, maybe the baby, you have Jeff Bezos, the divorced billionaire with 4 kids with is engaged to a younger latin news anchor, Donald Trump, a white collar criminal, or Putin, a murder, who all display the masculinity that men lack today in role models.

Then you have the far left, telling men to behave more like women, confusing men today, teaching them that acting more like a women somehow makes them a better man is just bullshit. It’s also not what women want in a man as they look to date masculine men, want to feel protected and safe, want to feel like a man can provide and protect, have that ‘big dick’ energy like a soldier, but also want to be a ‘woke woman’.

This is craziest time I’ve ever seen to be a man, where talking about masculinity or praising masculinity is portrayed as toxic and shamed publicly, but somehow we want men to be masculine and want to raise young men to be masculine men like their fathers and grandfathers and the men before them. 

We need to find a way to reset what masculinity means. We need men to go back to the core of the 3 pillars of masculinity and being a man:

1 - Being A Protector (think fireman who run into fires to save peoples lives risking their own)

2- Being a Provider (to provide for yourself, for family, for extended family, people you don’t even know…you plant the seeds for shade you’ll never sit under, is core to masculinity and feeling proud)

3- Being an Initiator in Romantic Relationship or seeking/courting a romantic partner (A man’s ability to court a life partner, spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend whatever, is core to a feeling of masculinity and success. A man loves the “hunt” so to say, or loves the process of pursuing a mate…that’s how it’s always been)

We need to go back to these 3 core pillars of masculinity to raise the next generation of young men the right way, in my opinion, which I’m echoing similar to how Scott Galloway does in the video.

Young men need to develop a scarcity mindset in order to thrive and develop hunger for more. They need to be put in situations to talk with strangers (mentors, meetups, networking events, sports teams, etc.) and they need to live for something greater than themselves, whether that be a mentor, having a child, changing the world, etc.)

Unfortunately, these creepy fucks like Puff Daddy, Michael Jackson, even the Church have fucked that all up because now men are scared to engage with boys as mentors for fear of being look at as some kind of creep.

 99% of men that want to mentor kids, or be involved in paternal situations, or get involved in a young mans life is positive….but media shines light on the 1% and destroys how male relationships are built to the point where society today has lost a lot of those types of relationships outside of sports and coaching or big brother programs.

Food for thought, we need to get back to the roots and get back to a society that values males relationships, values masculinity in this age, and has empathy for what our young brothers and young men are going through today instead of seeing what we want to see through our tainted and blurred lens.